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SERMON TEXT

​Enneagram Type 2 – The Helper / Carer – The Need to be needed. 

Over the past two weeks we have been exploring the Enneagram as a tool for personal and spiritual growth. It is personality tool that presents 9 basic personality types. Each week, we are invited to learn more about ourselves and those around us. And each week, we are invited to see the best qualities of each personality type reflected in the person of Jesus, as well as in Scripture. 

As we explore Type 2, the Helper or the Carer, I begin with a fictional story about a person we shall call Debbie: 

Debbie lives her life for others. Almost all her energy is spent seeing to the needs to others, whether these are the needs of her children, her husband, her parents, her parents-in-law, her friends, her neighbours or helping out at the local Care Home. 

In many ways, Debbie comes across as being an example of selflessness. 

These tendencies of caring and meeting the needs of others began very early on in her life. For whatever reason, very early on, Debbie felt that she somehow needed to win the love of those most significant in her life. The way she coped with this was to constantly do things to help out her parents, caring for them as well as her siblings.  At the root of these tendencies was the unconscious need to be needed, accepted and loved, thereby ensuring that she would be loved in return. 

In many ways it often brings her great joy to help others out. And as an adult, these caring, helping, generous, sympathetic and self-sacrificing tendencies have in many ways become a real asset to her, especially in her work first as a carer, and then as she trained to become a nurse.  Many of those who are under her care in the hospital are very lucky to have her on their ward, and love to see her when she comes on duty. 

While, at her best, Debbie can be described as caring, considerate, generous, sympathetic, supportive, self-sacrificing, helpful, adaptable and loving, Debbie’s personality also has its dark side.  As I have already said, underlying all these wonderful qualities, is a deep need to be needed and loved in return. And this need to be needed is the source of many of her flaws. When she is stressed, or feels that her love and care are not being acknowledged and returned, Debbie can very easily become dependent, needy, possessive, flattering, interfering, manipulative, seductive, self-important and at her worst, a little hysterical. She takes great pride in giving so much of herself to others. It makes her feel important, and sometimes even a little superior to others. 

One of the greatest dangers of Debbie’s caring tendencies, is that she never makes time for her own needs.  She is often utterly exhausted giving so much of her energy to others. Probably Debbie’s biggest struggle is learning to say ‘No!” She is afraid that if she says no, she will lose the love of others. As a result, sometimes she can also feel quite resentful towards those she is helping, because often it feels like she is running on empty and that people are taking advantage of her. 

Debbie’s greatest need is to realise that she is lovable, just for who she is, and not for what she can do for others. 

In her Christian faith, it is such a relief to hear from the Apostle Paul that we are saved by grace, and not because of our works, but it is also a truth that hasn’t quite sunk in yet. She carries with her an underlying fear that if she is caught napping, and not caring for others, she will not be acceptable to God. 

Today we are onto our 3rd week in our Preaching Series on the Enneagram. The first week we did an overview of the Enneagram and the 9 personality types. Last week we explored Type Ones who are motivated by a deep need to be good and so have a deep tendency to self-police. This week, we explore Type Twos who are motivated to do actions of love and caring, out of a deep need to be needed. On the surface, the impression is given of great acts of selflessness, but if truth be told such acts are not quite as selfless as they seem because they are motivated by the very strong need of the self for the reward of people’s love. 

Like all of us, Debbie has her good days and her bad days.  But she is in good company. A lot of famous and successful people have been Twos. These include: Mother Teresa, Dolly Parton, Lewis Carroll, Princess Diana, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Luciano Pavarotti, Florence Nightingale, Jimmy Carter.  The culture of Italy, typified by the Italian Mama expresses something of the personality of the Two. 

As we consider the life of Jesus, we can see many of the best qualities of the Two in the life and teachings of Jesus.  At the heart of Jesus teaching is the greatest commandment, which is to love others as your love yourself. Love and caring for others is at the heart of the Christian life, but what the Two on the Enneagram can often lose sight of is the second part of the statement, “Love your neighbour, as yourself”.  A Two can be so busy trying to win other people’s love with the need to be needed, that they can so easily lose sight of properly caring for themselves in a balanced and wholesome way. 

Twos love being rescuers, and we see these rescue tendencies at work in Jesus in the story of the wedding at Cana. Despite saying to his mother that his time had not yet come, Jesus does not say no to her requests for help, as he gives of himself to help them out of a predicament.  The Two in Jesus is also seen, when, in a healthy way, he seeks to take time out alone with his disciples to rest and recuperate, but when he sees how a crowd has come looking for him, he is moved with compassion, because they are like sheep without a shepherd.  And perhaps that is where Jesus shows the balance of a healthy two on the Enneagram. He regularly takes time out to rest and pray in order to be rejuvenated in order that he can give of himself again. Sometimes these plans for time out get hi-jacked, but taking time out is enough of a priority for Jesus, that it seems he is never completely overwhelmed by the needs of others. He balances self-care for his own inner world with active caring and service towards others. 

Our passage today is a typical example of the tendencies of the Two at work, as Jesus takes off his outer garment, puts a towel around his waist and begins to wash his disciples' feet.  But in this passage, we see that Jesus is not motivated by a need to be needed.  He is not acting as a servant in order to win over the love and affection of his disciples. He is not trying to fill an empty hole in his ego. In the passage we read the following words:  “Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist.” Jesus acts not out of of an empty neediness, but out of a deep self-knowledge that he is loved by God. 

By contrast, the story of Mary and Martha show Martha to be an unhealthy Two on the Enneagram. She is serving and working in the kitchen out of a need to be needed, and when her efforts don’t seem to be acknowledged, and Mary does not come to her aid, she becomes resentful.  The need of the Two, is to learn from Jesus teaching to give with no strings attached, “don’t let your right hand know what your left hand is doing”, don’t serve out of a desire for recognition or to try and get people to love you, and when serving, caring and helping cause resentment, it is time, like Jesus, to take time out. 

Just as it is possible to be a healthy One on the Enneagram, so Jesus shows us that it is possible to be a healthy Two on the Enneagram, and for those caring and self-giving tendencies to be an asset and a gift rather than a burden.  

Helpful coping cues for a two would be: 
    • I am loved by God just for who I am, and not for my service.
    • I have a right to say no. 
    • I need to take care of myself first, just like in the aeroplane flight instructions to put on your own mask first, before you start helping those around you. 
    • When you see your love becoming needy or clingy, remember the words of that Sting song: “If you love someone, set them free”. 
    • “Love your neighbour as yourself”

SERMON TEXT 
ENNEAGRAM Type One: The Reformer, Idealist, Moralist or Perfectionist

Gillian’s home is always neat and tidy. Her motto is “everything has its place and every place has its thing.” Gillian has an amazing ability to keep her home in tip top shape, even with three busy children. She can get quite angry and irritable with them when they leave things lying around, but she inevitably tidies it all up quickly because her world would feel out of control if she didn’t. 

This tendency in her started very young, when things in her family and home life felt somehow out of control. Her way of coping was to keep her room absolutely tidy. The more she tidied her room, the more in control she felt.  For whatever reason, she felt the need to be the “hero” child who did everything right to help her parents out. She hoped that being good would hold her family together or simply win over their affection and so she started policing herself quite strictly.

As an adult, some of these perfectionist traits came in quite handy.  Gillian has a close attention to detail. In her earliest job she worked as a personal assistant. Her boss was amazed by her filing ability and even when the office became extremely busy, Gillian’s desk was always miraculously free of clutter. 

Later she trained as an accountant, a job that she was supremely competent at because of her fine attention to detail.  A favourite saying of hers is: “If a job is worth doing, it is worth doing well!”

Gillian also has high ideals for the world she lives in. She is very concerned about the problem of injustice and corruption. She tries to live a highly ethical life, making sure she is doing her bit for the world she is living in, as well as being a campaigner for change.

Gillian is often admired as a person who seems to have her life together. Always well presented, she is  honest, dependable, ethical, conscientious, diligent, orderly and fair. 

But Gillian also has her flaws that are apparent to those who know her, love her and work for her. Especially when she is stressed, Gillian can very quickly become uptight, impatient, critical, moralistic, inflexible and emotional. At times she can come across as constantly angry, but it is something she doesn't like to admit especially to herself. She lives by high standards and expects others to do likewise. But she is also very vulnerable when people criticise her because she tries so hard to be as perfect and blameless as she knows how to be.

As she grew older, Gillian began to discover that her perfectionism could be a little over-bearing and difficult for those around her. Unconsciously, she began to expand the repertoire of her personality as on the one hand she tried to give her energy in helping others, and on the other hand, working to keep the peace at home and at work.  She discovered when she does these things, people find it a little easier to be around her as her caring and peace-making help to bring out something of the softer side to her personality, which can otherwise sometimes feel a little cold, and a little too perfect. 

Over-time, Gillian has had to learn to become a little more tolerant of imperfection. Sometimes she deliberately doesn't pick up the children’s socks as a way of reminding her that the world won't fall apart if they remain there for a few hours.  She is also trying to be more honest with herself when she is angry so that she doesn't become passive aggressive. It is so hard to admit when she is angry, but much better for herself and others when she does. She has also realised that to bring more balance to her extremely disciplined life, she needs to make room once a week for a bit of joy, fun or adventure.

Last week I did an introduction to the Enneagram, a personality tool that is designed to promote self-knowledge of one’s tendencies, strengths and weaknesses and thereby helping to create personal & spiritual growth. 

Ennea means 9 and Gram means Picture and so the Enneagram portrays 9 basic personality types, from which multiple variations can be found. 

In today's sermon, I would like to look at Type One on the Enneagram which is sometimes called the Reformer, Idealist, Moralist or Perfectionist.  The story of Gillian that I have just told gives a portrait of the One on the Enneagram.  It is clear that Gillian has some wonderful and admirable qualities that I have already named: At her best she can be idealistic, principled, orderly, self-disciplined, diligent, honest, conscientious, fair, dependable and ethical.  But Gillian also has some difficult aspects of her personality. At her worst she can be uptight, critical, impatient, judgemental, inflexible, controlling, moralistic, puritanical and dogmatic. 

Like all of us some days she has good days, and some days she had bad days. But she is in good company. A lot of famous and successful people have been Ones. These include:  Steve Jobs, founder of Apple, Michelle Obama, C.S. Lewis, Julie Andrews, Mahatma Ghandi, Confucius, Anne Frank, Margaret Thatcher, as well as the cultural ethos of Switzerland. Sometimes she thinks that she would be very happy moving to Switzerland.  

Some of the best qualities of Gillian’s life as a One can also be found in the person of Jesus.  In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus reveals himself to be a very exacting ethical teacher. Living an ethical and principled life was clearly very important to Jesus. “Let your yes be yes and your no be no.” He also had high ideals for his disciples that their righteousness and their conduct should exceed the righteousness and conduct of the Pharisees and teachers of the law.  But the saving grace in the personality of Jesus was that perfection for Jesus was always ultimately about the perfection of love and compassion. 

We see this reflected in two parallel sayings of Jesus: 

In Matthew’s Gospel, Jesus says to his disciples: Be perfect, as your heavenly father is perfect. 
In Luke’s Gospel, Jesus says to his disciples: Be compassionate, as your heavenly father is compassionate. 

For Jesus, to be perfect was ultimately to be perfectly compassionate.  And that is the paradox. Compassion and mercy clearly makes room for imperfection because compassion and mercy only become necessary in the presence of imperfection. Despite the fact that Jesus lived a supremely ethical and principled life, it is clear that ordinary sinful people did not feel his judgement. Somehow sinners, imperfect people were attracted to him. And in his presence, without him even saying a word, except a word of love,  a desire was stirred within them to become their best selves.

Jesus, the highly principled, fair and ethical person overcame the dark side of perfectionism by creating a space of unconditional love and acceptance for those who knew themselves to be imperfect.  The story of Jesus and Simon the Pharisee is a story of a whole ‘One’ and an un-whole, or un-redeemed One, or Perfectionist. When the woman of ill-repute gate crashes the dinner party, Simon is revealed as an un-redeemed One on the Enneagram.  He has high ideals and principals, and he is very critical of those who seemingly fail to live up to his high ideals. He is critical and judgemental of the women who makes such an undignified spectacle of her self. Critical and judgemental of her morally dubious background. Simon the Pharisee is even critical and judgemental of Jesus. Surely if Jesus was a prophet, he would know what kind of person she is and he would not tolerate this undignified display of emotion. 

By contrast, Jesus shows perfect love, not just to the women who sits at his feet weeping and wiping his feet with her, but he also shows perfect love even to Simon in his self-righteous idealism and moralism. He tells Simon a parable that will help Simon grow beyond his narrow judgementalism and become a more whole, forgiving and compassionate person himself, without losing his own principles in the process. 

Simon needs to learn that the highest perfection is the perfection of love and that there is something perfect, even in imperfection. 

There is a One in each of us.  For some of us the One in us, the Perfectionist, Idealist and Reformer is hidden and sometimes even disowned.  Maybe you lived under what felt like the tyranny of a perfectionist growing up and vowed never to be like that yourself. But the One in each of us is revealed whenever we become angry, uptight, critical, impatient, judgemental, inflexible, controlling, moralistic, puritanical and dogmatic.  And when these tendencies arise in us, they become an invitation to remember the way of Jesus, the way of perfect love and compassion.  And this way of perfect love and compassion can begin to open up to us, when we become honest about our own imperfections and allow them to be embraced and held within the unconditional love and grace of God, that has been shown us in Christ Jesus. Amen. 

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SERMON TEXT - Introduction to the Enneagram

Over the next 2-3 months, I would like to embark on a Preaching Series on what is called the Enneagram.  The Enneagram is an approach to exploring personality, how they are formed and what shape our personalities take.  The word Enneagram comes from two words: Ennea meaning 9, and gram meaning picture. The Enneagram suggests that there are nine basic personality types or portraits that all of us fall into, with multiple variations in between those 9 basic types. 

The purpose of the Enneagram is to help people to better understand ourselves so that we can grow to greater wholeness. 

It is a long held notion in many different spiritual traditions, that the more we understand ourselves, the more we can grow spiritually.  

    • In ancient Greece this was expressed in the aphorism: Know thyself (sometimes attributed to Plato and Heraclitus) 
    • In Zen –Master Dogen said “To study the Enlightened Way is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be actualised by the ten thousand things. Which I believe is another way of saying, to forget the self is to come to know God.  The way of selflessness. 
    • Within our own Biblical tradition, on a number of occasions, the Apostle Paul encourages us to self-introspection.  2 Corinthians 13:5 Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves.  1 Corinthians 11:31 But if we judged ourselves truly, we would not be judged.Psalm 139:23 Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! 

And so the Enneagram has been used for a long time as a tool for self-understanding as a means to spiritual self-knowledge leading to growth towards greater wholeness. And that I believe is the point of any true religion.  Our Christian faith is not simply to get a ticket to heaven so that we can sit on clouds for all eternity playing our harps. That is not true salvation. True salvation is coming to greater and greater wholeness so that we have greater and greater capacity within ourselves to express the fullness of God’s life. 

The more whole we are, the greater God’s ability to express God’s Life through us.  For myself then, holiness and wholeness are two words that belong together.  To grow in holiness is to grow in wholeness. 

And so the Enneagram has been used as a tool for spiritual growth towards greater and greater wholeness, just as Jesus was whole.  For me that’s what it means to say that Jesus was without sin: he was whole. 

The theory of the Enneagram is when we are born into this world, our early life experiences, struggles and difficulties cause our personalities to be shaped in certain ways. And it would seem that some of that already begins to take place in the womb.  In that process of early personality formation, each of us begins to gravitate to one of the 9 basic personality types as a way of coping and navigating our way through life.  But each of the 9 personality types is incomplete on their own. 

To be truly whole, as Jesus was whole, we need to grow more and more to be able to express the characteristics of all 9 personality types.  We become dysfunctional, when we refuse to grow, like an adult whose emotional development has got stuck at the age of a 2 or 3 year old or a 13 or 14 year old. Thomas Keating says that the essence of sin is the refusal to grow. 

Each week, as we explore each of the 9 personality types, I will be inviting us to see how each of these personality types is expressed in and through the person of Jesus, who is for us a model of wholeness. I will also be inviting us into a journey of self-reflection and growth as we come to know ourselves better in both our strengths and our weaknesses, as well as identify in what ways we can grow towards greater wholeness. 

For the remainder of today’s sermon, I would like to very briefly describe each of the 9 personality types on the Enneagram. Hopefully over the next few weeks, each of us will be able to begin to see something of ourselves in each of these portraits.

TYPE ONE is most often known as the Reformer and sometimes as the Perfectionist.  Reformers or Perfectionists have some wonderful qualities: diligent, principled, orderly, neat and dependable.  But just as all personalities have a shadow, a One has a tendency towards anger and being critical. 

TYPE TWO is most often called the Helper, Giver, or Caregiver who has some wonderful qualities of being warm, caring, helpful and giving. But a Two also has a tendency of being needy, and at times interfering. 

TYPE THREE is the Achiever who has some wonderful qualities of being successful, optimistic, energetic, efficient and productive. But a Three can also have the tendency to be image conscious and at times a little devious. 

TYPE FOUR is the Artist, sometimes also called the Romantic. The Artist or Romantic has some wonderful qualities: Creative, sensitive , expressive, intuitive and original. But Fours can also have a tendency to be moody and at times a little depressive. 

TYPE FIVE: The Thinker, Observer, or Investigator. Fives have some wonderful qualities. They are observant, analytical, perceptive, wise and reflective.  But a Five can also have a tendency to live in their heads and become detached and withdrawn. 

TYPE SIX: The Loyalist, is also known as the Institutionalist, Loyal Guardian, the Loyal Skeptic or the Security Expert. The Six on the Enneagram has some wonderful qualities: loyal, dutiful, committed, practical and courageous. But Sixes can also tend to be anxious and worst-case-scenario thinkers.

TYPE SEVEN is the Enthusiast or Adventurer, also called the Joker. Sevens have some wonderful qualities. They can often be fun-loving, child-like, spontaneous, and adventurous. But they can also sometimes have a tendency to seem superficial and not always dependable.

TYPE EIGHT is often called the Leader. An Eight has some wonderful qualities: Just/Fair, Self-confident, earthy, resourceful and fearless. But they can also have a tendency towards being domineering and confrontational. 

TYPE NINE is often called the Peacemaker or Mediator. Nines have some wonderful qualities:  most often pleasant, peaceful, tolerant, calm and accommodating. But they can also become lazy and unassertive, or apathetic. 

When comparing personality types, each of us naturally think that our dominant personality type is the best, just as we often think of our race, or nationality, or religion, or our gender is the best. But each personality type has its strengths and weaknesses. Often the danger in life is that we tend to compare our strengths with other people’s weaknesses. And the danger is that we can all become judge-bugs, judging those personalities that we don’t like or don’t identify with.  But the truth is every personality has qualities that we need to access.  If you begin judging the qualities of another personality type, it is a signal that you have disowned those qualities in yourself and are therefore not yet as whole as you might like to think.  If you are judging others, then it is probably a sign that you have something that you need to learn from them in order to help you become more balanced and whole. 

Hopefully a journey into self-knowledge brings with it humility. We come to know our weaknesses and our strengths, our virtues and our flaws and we come to acknowledge not just the weaknesses of those personalities we don't identify with, but also come to acknowledge their strengths as well.  No-one in life is a complete demon. There are demons in each of us (and I say that figuratively). But there are also strengths within each of us too. 

And in all this, our goal to to become more Christlike, to become more whole so that more and more of God’s Life, Grace and Love can be expressed through us.